When men are called out for wrongdoing against women, men are so quick to respond “not all men”. They say things like “Not all men are rapists,” “Not all men treat women poorly,” “Not all men expect women to be subservient.” The objection goes on and on.
Don’t get me wrong—not all men are abusers, just like how not all men take for granted the natural advantages they are born with.
I don’t like every ice cream flavor, but I can still say that I like ice cream even if I don’t like every single one. I don’t eat pepperoni pizza, but I still enjoy eating pizza. I guess it’s just a matter of whether I like most of them, or I like it in general.
Just like men.
When I say, “Men need to learn to understand consent,” I just mean in general, men need to understand consent, because that’s something that contributes to the bigger problem of rape culture, just like how when I say, “I like ice cream,” I mean in general, I like ice cream because it’s sweet, cold, and delicious. It’s implied that there are some ice cream flavors I don’t like, similar to the fact that there are some men that already understand consent.
When someone says, “men are trash,” obviously, not all men are trash.
When “not all men” is used to clarify a statement, men are completely ignoring what the statement is saying about men as a whole. They take criticism as a personal attack rather than a way to bring awareness to an issue. The statement “not all men” is always accompanied by anger at the original speaker, as the man declares that they are a feminist. What does this accomplish? Ar just to get an ounce of redemption for yourself, to reaffirm your dignity? If a man feels offended by a general statement like “men are trash” or “men need to understand consent,” chances are that man is part of the problem and is just looking for a way to vindicate their own actions.
Even if a man may not be directly acting to perpetuate a problem, it is still equally important to reflect and consider how their identity as a man comes with privileges in a patriarchal society. These general statements about men are only trying to urge men to pay more attention to how they contribute to the problems that women face. If you, a man, are already actively trying to fight that, good for you! We just want to remind you. If you’re not yet doing so, this message applies.
Saying “not all men” is just a cop-out to avoid responsibility, to avoid digging into the real issue. It’s essentially just a way to say, “I don’t want to change”.
By saying, “not all men,” you’re just a part of the problem. By calling out a specific action, women are actively using their voice to combat the system of patriarchy and to create progress. When a man is against that, they’re not a feminist in any way. Defending their own actions is upholding the very patriarchal ideals women are trying to fight—the belief that men are always right.
