When I was in the fifth grade, my parents forced me to sit through a weekly sexual education class at my church. Unitarian Universalism is a very progressive religion, so this sort of thing is normal. Our Whole Lives, or OWL, they told me, would provide me with accurate information about sexual health, sexual orientation, gender identity, and relationships—just what I wanted.
As you would expect, I wasn’t thrilled. I didn’t mind talking about uncomfortable topics—I’d just rather be hanging out with my friends. But while OWL irritated me at the time, it also made me more confident. I now feel comfortable asking questions that my teachers don’t traditionally answer in school. I encourage my friends to talk about sex and sexuality, because I believe being able to do so freely should be the norm. For me, sexual education has been commonplace. But for most kids, I’ve learned, it’s not.
pc: @ladyist, @bitchyy_mcflyy, @pixeldoggy
Planned Parenthood confirms that “no federal laws dictate what sex education should look like or how it should be taught in schools.” In fact, less than half the states today mandate sex-ed at all. Moreover, only thirteen require that the information provided be medically accurate. Twenty states mandate discussion of contraceptives. And of the thirty-nine that teach abstinence, twenty-seven require it to be “stressed.”
Most decisions about curricula are made by legislators on the local level, meaning the quality and quantity of sex-ed varies by district. So some schools end up including discussions of the nature of sexuality and safe decision making in relationships, while others promote a more targeted ideology. Oklahoma’s “Humanity of the Unborn Child Act,” for example, seeks to develop and distribute educational materials for the purpose of “achieving an abortion-free society.” It requires that such materials “clearly and consistently teach that abortion kills a living human being.”
Now, in most cases, the content of information available to students is not problematic. What is problematic, however, is the deliberate attempt by lawmakers to limit students’ access to accurate and comprehensive resources, because when we fail to provide youth with proper information, we force them to seek out their own answers. But, the resources available to them—namely, pornography—provide unrealistic depictions of sex. Sex appears demeaning yet pleasurable for women. As a result, we end up teaching our children to equate sex with aggression.
In wake of the recent #MeToo movement and high-profile sexual assault allegations, we’re all asking ourselves why and how people feel emboldened to make unwanted sexual advances. I believe that the environment we’ve created for boys, in particular, is conducive to perpetuating these destructive behaviors. I believe that the resentment and violence we see among teenage and adult men are products of our intolerance for sadness and self-expression among young boys.
It’s the combination of toxic masculinity and a lack of sex-ed that is deadly. We force masks upon young boys, training them to hide what they feel and to not show weakness. We trap their worst feelings inside, and after, we limit their access to information about crucial topics like trust and consent.
They are not prepared to enter sexual relationships. They are grenades waiting to blow up. So if we expect our children and our adults to respect each other’s bodies, we need to give them better answers.
The CDC finds that 47% of high-school students have had sex. This means an astounding number of teenagers enter sexual relationships without any formal instruction on STI prevention or contraceptives. The consequences are far-reaching: while adolescents comprise 25% of the sexually active population, they acquire half of all new STIs. And our teen pregnancy rate, despite its incremental decreases, is still the highest in the industrialized world.
Some solutions are clear: for one, we need to mandate sexual education on a federal level. No exceptions. Teenagers are having sex; our legislators need to accept it. And they need to provide us with the proper resources to make healthy decisions so that we can prevent unwanted pregnancies or medical issues.
We also need to expand our conversation about sexuality. While in some communities we’ve made strides, in general, we still have a long way to go. As a country, we continue to act like talking about and having sex are only acceptable for straight men. But, sexuality is human. The need to feel connection is ingrained in our blood and our bones. Every man, woman, human being on this earth deserves the right to explore and to understand themselves.
Last June, I decided to break the silence. In a rather risky move for a high-school junior, I began The Real Sex Talk, an Instagram and blog that uses art, interviews, and short articles to make comprehensive sexual education more accessible for young people. Today, I know today just important how my decision was. Providing free, accurate information isn’t just desirable—it’s necessary. Because, the only way to destigmatize is to normalize, and together we have the power to do it.
